What does a bipolar depressive episode actually feel like?

In this early archive episode, 28-year-old Brooklyn artist Ben shares candidly about living with bipolar disorder and depression — including what happens when medication changes trigger a rough patch.

Ben describes:

•  What a “code level orange or red” depressive episode looks like 
•  The emotional contradictions of depression (lonely but avoiding people, hungry but not eating) 
•  Why changing medications can temporarily intensify symptoms 
•  How cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps him self-diagnose and regulate 
•  The importance of daily “practice” — biking, yoga, creative focus — to maintain mental health 
•  Why suppressing depression only makes it come back stronger 
•  How to create a support “game plan” before the next depressive episode 

He also shares powerful insight for loved ones:

Instead of waiting for crisis mode, talk about depression when things are going well. Create a plan. Agree in advance on what support looks like.

This episode offers practical, real-world-tested strategies for:

•  Managing bipolar depression 
•  Preventing relapse escalation 
•  Communicating needs clearly 
•  Supporting someone without overwhelming them 

Depression thrives in isolation. Conversations like this reduce its power.

Primary Topics Covered:

• Bipolar disorder and depressive episodes 
•  Medication changes and mood shifts 
•  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 
•  Emotional contradictions in depression 
•  Relapse prevention strategies 
•  Creating a mental health “game plan” 
•  Supporting someone with depression 
•  Why suppressing emotions backfires 
•  Trauma’s impact on depression 
•  Maintenance vs. crisis-mode care 

Timestamps:

00:01:26 – Introduction to Ben and living with bipolar depression
00:02:01 – Major depressive episode after medication change
00:03:02 – CBT tools and self-diagnostic check-ins
00:04:03 – Emotional contradictions during depression
00:05:01 – Recognizing reduced despair over time
00:06:13 – Why discussing depression during “good” times matters
00:07:29 – Creating a support game plan before crisis
00:09:14 – The inner tube metaphor: why suppressing emotions backfires
00:10:20 – Trauma, grad school, and compounded stress
00:10:51 – Medication changes and mood variability

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