Anita [00:00:04] Hi, this is Anita Sanz (and Terry) with Giving Voice to Depression and Recovery.com. This is a short special edition of our podcast that has become an annual tradition. It was written and produced especially for you. If you're struggling right now on a day that is supposed to be joyful. It's a six minute essay written and read by author John Pavlovitz.  He focuses on Christmas. But if you celebrate a different holiday this time of year or none at all, we believe it will still resonate with and comfort you as it has many listeners over the years. 

Terry [00:00:42] We'll be linking to his written essay too with this episode so that you'll have that if you want it. Also, if you need some understanding company today, come hang out with us and are giving voice to depression. Facebook Community page. We'll be there as we have been every day of every year since 2017. Here is John Pavlovitz reading "To Those who Struggle This Christmas."

John Pavlovitz [00:01:06] To those who struggle this Christmas; I'm not writing this to everyone. 

John Pavlovitz [00:01:11] I'm writing this to you-- the person whose heart is heavy today, the one for whom this day is not merry and bright, the one who doesn't feel at all like singing. 

John Pavlovitz [00:01:24] I'm writing this to you who face subtraction today; who feel the combined attrition of all the losses you've accrued this year; the people who've died, the ones who've left voluntarily, those who had to push away to protect yourself. 

John Pavlovitz [00:01:39] I'm writing to you who've seen the end of something you loved; the dream that dissolved despite how much you gave up to make it real; all the things that you wish to be true right now and should be true--but are not. 

John Pavlovitz [00:01:55] I'm writing to those who've watched their best attempts to save their marriages not be enough or are finding themselves no longer half of the hole they once felt securely. Part of those who have a different set of chairs around the table, far too many of them empty. 

John Pavlovitz [00:02:12] I'm writing to you who are grieving; those sitting vigil in hospital rooms, praying for good news; those who just got test results back and have heard the worst; those who are spending this day planning a memorial service instead of a holiday celebration. 

John Pavlovitz [00:02:29] I'm writing to you whose personal demons have gotten the best of you; who've been visited at the very worst time by depression and addiction and self-hatred-- those whose greatest threat to joy right now is an inside job. 

John Pavlovitz [00:02:45] I'm writing this to those who are alone today; geographically separated from the people they love, emotionally distance from those they desire are proximity to, pushed by circumstances to the solitary places. 

John Pavlovitz [00:02:59] I'm writing this to those who've been left broken by this year; by its cruelty and bitterness and violence-- those of you who harbor more anger, carry more grief, and bear more fear because of what you've seen and what you know and how you feel about this place you call home. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:16] Ultimately, I'm writing to you for a million different reasons find peace difficult to come by in a time when it's supposed to be plentiful. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:25] I don't have any magic words to fix what is broken around you or to repair what is broken within you. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:31] I can't simply place a cursor on the sadness you feel and backspace until it's deleted, replacing it with words like comfort or peace or contentment. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:42] I can't say anything in this small space that will mend what is severed. Resurrect what has died or heal what is ill. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:51] I just wanted these words to hopefully remind you of two things:. 

John Pavlovitz [00:03:55] The first, is that you're not alone; that even though you're uniquely suffering in the specific sadness you're inhabiting right now-- you are not suffering by yourself. The world is filled with people who are not exactly but still deeply burdened, grieving, angry, hopeless, exhausted. Even if you never see their faces or know their names. Rest in the truth that millions of wounded people stand in solidarity with you in this day -- and that they get it. I get it. 

John Pavlovitz [00:04:25] The second thing I wanted to remind you of is that, though this is your painful story right now, this is not the end of your story. 

John Pavlovitz [00:04:32] The way you feel today will not always be the way you feel. As difficult as it is to imagine in these painful moments-- there will be holidays when lightness returns to you; days when you are cultivating new dreams again, when you once more feel secured in a place where you belong, when you again find yourself embraced by people who see and treasure the goodness in you, days when you are easily pushing back your demons. 

John Pavlovitz [00:04:59] There will be holidays when celebration is your default setting. 

John Pavlovitz [00:05:04] But right now, don't feel any guilt for the sadness within you. Don't beat yourself up for not wanting to sing right now. Don't feel pressured to have this shit together that simply isn't together and won't be for a while. 

John Pavlovitz [00:05:17] Just receive this Christmas as it is. Receive it as you are. With all this struggle and uncertainty and grieving it brings.  

John Pavlovitz [00:05:28] I'm not writing this to everyone, but if I've written this for you, be greatly encouraged. 

John Pavlovitz [00:05:33] You are loved. 

Anita [00:05:41] We truly hope that our podcast brings a little more understanding, helped you better articulate and reflect on your own experience with depression, or better understand how to support someone else who is struggling. 

Terry [00:05:54] If this episode has been of comfort or value to you know that there are hundreds of others like it in our archive, which you can easily find at our website. Giving voice to depression.com. And remember if you are struggling, speak up. Even if it's hard if someone else is struggling, take the time to listen.